Happy New Year!

Happy New Year everyone! I have to work 3rd shift tonight (boo!) I go in at 11 so I get to spend midnight answering the phones. I'm looking for it to be a crazy night with probably a lot of drunks and car accident victims in the ER and lots of calls to the crisis line from depressed/drunk peeps. Should be interesting. How are you spending your NYE?

Christmas Extravaganza!

Because I worked 2nd shift on xmas eve, we had to break our normal family tradition of going to my sister's house to open the gifts she had bought. We were going to do it on Saturday, then they decided on Friday night that the roads out their way were too bad. Saturday morning they changed their minds and we headed to the land of presents as originally planned.


My sister buys a ton of presents for people at xmas time. Like a lot. Like lots and lots. Here's a breakdown of what I can remember everyone getting. Remember, these are all basically from my sister, with a few from my dad. Keep in mind though, my sister takes care of all of our dad's finances and of course his xmas shopping so basically a gift from my dad, while PAID FOR by him, it's really from my sister.


Me:


1. A Swatch watch. That's right! Early this year I posted a blog on my myspace about a website that lists all Swatches. I was able to find a picture of the one I got in 7th grade. I also declared in that blog that I would get another Swatch from this website in the not so distant future. I wanted one that screamed, "I am a Swatch watch straight out of the 80's!!!" Well, lucky for me when I did all that planning and booking for my sister and BIL's vacation this summer I happened to show her the Swatch site and how I wanted another Swatch. Lucky again for me that Caesar's Palace has a Swatch store in it. Whooohooo! While my new Swatch isn't TOO funky and doesn't scream 80's, it most certainly screams Swatch and I absolutely love it! I'm totally getting a Swatch guard in the next couple weeks.

2. Two Hallmark ornaments

3. 5 scratch-off lottery tickets (we each got these. She bought 30 tickets total and only 4 were winners. Blake won $5 and a free ticket and my BIL won a free ticket and $1.)

4. A handheld Sudoku game (this was "from the kids")

5. bed sheets

6. Adam and I got a $60 gift cert to Texas Roadhouse

7. $125 from my dad which we immediately handed over to my sister because she bought us a new washing machine the day after xmas when mine died last week. The rest of the washing machine money came out of Adam's snow plowing $$$.

8. Each of us got these Hallmark dancing globes. Mine was the elf one. Unfortunately Adam's reindeer would only tap one foot so he's gotta go back to the store and be exchanged.

9. The Office Season 4

10. Across the Universe DVD which I gave back to my sister because I already bought it for myself

11. A huge humidifier

12. Monopoly electronic banking



Adam got:

1. His own leg lamp from the movie "A Christmas Story". It was the first thing he opened and he said it's the only thing he needed. Even still he keeps saying, "That's the coolest thing ever. If that's all I would have got I would have been happy."

2. 4 pair of jeans

3. Fleece jammie pants "from the kids"

4. a Hallmark ornament

5. an ornament "from Emily"



Blake got:

1. 4 Planet Heroes guys

2. A Red Ryder BB gun (Emily got one too but in pink. They'll shoot their eyes out, I know. That's why they're locked in my BIL's safe.)

3. Preschool activity books

4. Both kids each got one of these DVD players (Blake's is blue) and a case to keep them in

5. 2 Leapster games

6. Each of them got Flik Flak watches which are kid's Swatch watches

7. Clothes, clothes, clothes

8. Jammies, jammies, jammies

9. Batman remote control car

10. Tonka helicopter

11. play-doh

12. in his stocking (yes, he has one there too) there was a coloring book, M&M's, and Hot Wheels

13. A big talking Incredible Hulk

14. Transformers bubble bath

15. A Smart Cycle



Emily got:

1. an iPod shuffle

2. Kung-Fu panda dvd

3. Tinker Bell dvd

4. 2 games for her Nintendo DS

5. Clothes, clothes, clothes

6. play-doh

7. her stocking had a coloring book, M&M's and littlest pet shops

8. Dancing castle barbie

9. a leapster game

10. Tinker Bell bubble bath

11. SpongeBob Monopoly

12. About 3 or 4 Crayola color explosion/light up drawing thingys

13. a bunch of craft stuff ie. pompom balls, craft sticks, glue, tape, pipe cleaners, etc.

So, yeah...not that much really...if you're a family of, oh say, TEN!

Hold me closer, Tony Danza

Hello Interneters. I thought after a long holiday weekend filled with extended family, listening to your Uncle Willy give a blow-by-blow account of his colonoscopy during dinner while you try to gag down great-grandma’s jell-o salad, it would be nice for a completely holiday-free blog post.

I’ve come across a website where you can find the correct words/phrases to songs and what others have misheard the lyrics to be. I started going through this huge site, which lists songs by artist, when I figured I would just cut right to one of my favorites, Prince, who had an extensive list. Even though there are many, many that I know, I only bothered to look at the songs I knew very well.

Erotic City—This one REALLY made me laugh out loud. The actual lyric is:
“We could f**k until the dawn, Making love ‘til cherry’s gone”

What someone thought Prince said was:
“We could f**k a chili dog, Making love ‘til chili’s gone.”

I guess you probably could hump a chili dog, but somehow I don’t think Prince wants any part of it.

This one holds a dear spot in my heart because it is the same misheard lyric that my husband once confessed to me. The song is “I Would Die 4U” The actual lyric is the title, “I Would Die 4U”. The misheard lyric this person shares with my hubby is, “Apple—dapple—you.” Very cute, very innocent, sort of “Bippity-boppity-boo-ish”. Definitely not Prince-y.

Here’s another that made me chuckle. Remember “Kiss”? Prince defies his manhood by singing in a very soprano voice for pretty much the entire song. The original lyric is, “I just want your extra time and your…KISS.” Misheard lyric? “I just want some extra time with your….KIDS.” Awww, that’s sweet Prince but I’m pretty sure after 7 minutes with my son you’ll bring him back and run away on your purple motorcycle.

Now onto a song which had SEVERAL entries in the site. In fact, there were 80 entries for people simply getting the title of the song wrong. How do you do that? Don’t you pay attention to what the song is actually CALLED??? Anyway, our little song that could is “Little Red Corvette.” I’ll start us off with telling you that a former roommate of mine thought our man Prince was saying, “Get the rent, collect”. Because I’m a big Prince fan, the thought of someone not actually “getting” the song was a little unsettling. To think that Prince is singing about collecting rent like some 105 lb. landlord in purple velvet instead of the sexual song it was made me a little sad. Turns out there’s a bunch of people out there just like my old roomie that seem to think Prince is singing about the rent. Like the lyric above, they too must not have known what the actual title to the song was. Here are some of my faves:

“Pay your rent, Georgette”
“Pay the rent, Collette”
“Pay the rent, collect”
“Pay the rent, Yvette”
“Leave the rent, call back”

This one expands on the rent issue:

“Pay the rent, Collette
You need to find a job that’s gonna last.”

You know, really Collette. Stop jerkin’ around and grow up already. Get a good job and pay your rent on time for christ’s sake.

Here is a list of other good ones:

“Me and the red corvette”
“Me and the revco man”
“Lyrical Corvette”
“Love in a red corvette”
“Living in a jet”
“Living in Quebec”
“Leave and then come back”
“Keep it wet, Collette”
“I’ll make you so wet”
“Lady in red, come back”

And this one is the most ironic:

“Isn’t it correct”

No, actually it isn’t. At all.

Besides people getting the title “Little Red Corvette” COMPLETELY wrong, they also fuggered up other parts of the song:

Actual lyric:
“Guess I must be dumb
she had a pocket full of horses…”

Misheard Lyric:
“Guess I must be dumb
As a bucket full of horse sh*t…”

Well. You had one part of that right.

Another one…actual lyric:
“Baby you’re much too fast.”

Misheard lyric:
“Phoebe you’re much to fast.”

This one is awesome. Actual lyric:
“Guess I should have known by the way your parked your car sideways that it wouldn’t last”

Misheard lyric:
“Guess I should have known by the way you parked your car sideways at a fotomat”

Based on that, you’re right. You SHOULD have known. GAWD!


The new theme song for “Biggest Loser” should be changed to this misheard ‘P*ssy Control’ lyric:

“Aaaaaaaahhhhh! Portion control! Oh!”


One smarty even effed up the title to ‘Purple Rain’. No. Really. Apparently he doesn’t know the title to the song or the freaking movie! He seems to think Prince is passionately singing the words, “Burn your brains, burn your brains.” Awwww. That’s sweet.

The last song in my Prince non-tribute is “Raspberry Beret”. I’ve saved this one for last because it includes the lyric I used to mis-sing for many years. From the time I was elementary school until who knows when. I’m sorry but it isn’t anything clever or funny. The actual lyric is: “And when it was warm she wouldn’t wear much more.” I used to belt out, “And if it was more, she wouldn’t wear much more.” Makes a lot of sense, right? Right? Shut up.

Here’s a good one for all of us big girls out there. Actual lyric:
“I wouldn’t change a strokecause baby I’m the mostWith a girl as fine as she was then”

Effed up lyric:
“I wouldn't change a stroke 'Cause baby I'm the most With a girl as fine as she was thick”

She must have been F.I.N.E! And T.H.I.C.K.

Because who could think the title of the song could actually be “Raspberry Beret”? It HAS to be, “She wore a brass miracle ring”. Of couse she did. She got it on QVC using easy-pay.

And finally, the way you’re grandma intended the song to be heard:
“She wore a raspberry beret,
The kind you find on a second-hand whore.”

Merry Christmas Interneters!

It's 10am xmas eve and I wanted to take the time to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas. I have to work 2nd shift today and I just realized an hour ago that I forgot to pick up pictures at Walgreen's that I had developed to put in a big frame I got for my dad. So I gotta do that, pick up some photo paper to print off ones that need to be printed wallet-size AND I need to get some yarn to finish Emily's doll blanket I'm making for her. Hopefully it wont be too busy at work so I can get it done.

Last night Adam took the kids to Burger King to eat and play for a bit while I wrapped presents. While there Emily ended up running full blast into a kid's forehead. She knocked a slightly loose tooth even looser and banged up her gums (or gungs as she calls them) pretty good. Today the loose tooth was noticably blacker, which is always great, so we got it out for her.

This means we're going to have a rotating door of visitors tonight. First our elf leaves to go back to the North Pole. At some point Santa and the Tooth Fairy will come and go as well. Yikes. I hope they don't mind the messy house.

So, I hope Santa brings you everything you want and deserve this year. Until next time, Merry Christmas!

...and now a word from our sponsor

I get a little bummed sometimes when I don't see an update from some of my favorite blogs for several days. This year those delays have typically come about because a lot of my fellow bloggers have had or are about to have babies. I don't know what's in the water around my blog but if you're looking to get knocked up, come drink at the fountain that is my blog. Today, however, I get to lump myself in "that" category.

Uh...what?

OHMYGODNO! I'm most certainly not preggers! Whew! No way! Should I find myself in THAT situation I would most certainly run away because A) While eight may have been enough for Dick Van Patten, TWO is most certainly enough for me. and B) We cut off Adam's baby making factory 3 months after having Blake, forshadowing the Hell he would already put us through even by the age of 4.

The category I am speaking of is those that negelect their blogs for days at a time. While I would like to make some really great excuse like, "I've had morning sickness 20 hours a day", or "my baby only sleeps 4 hours a day and cries the rest of the time." I obviously don't have those issues. I do, however have a very crazy work schedule right now and it's the holidays and...yeah...I've just been plain old lazy.

So a few things that have happened this week. We had a bit of an ice "storm" on Sunday night. Boo because I had to work that night but I have a kick-ass hubby who scraped off my car and had it toasty warm for me by the time I left and that was awesome. Then we got about 4.5 inches of snow last night. Again Adam cleaned off my car for me this morning so I could get to work. A few minutes late, but I made it.

On Tuesday morning Blake had his preschool Christmas program. He did so good! We were so proud of him. Also it was nice to sit in a church pew for a Christmas program without having to hear about money, which was the case every time we went to one of Emily's programs when she was enrolled in Christian School. No really. Every. Single. Time. If the minister wasn't talking about people paying their tuition on time then they were harping about the fundraisers or buying freaking chairs so they would have more seating for future programs. Ugh. Terrible! And so tacky. Like other family members want to hear about those things. Seriously. Here are a few pictures of Blakey in his program:





Last night Adam went to bed early so he could get up at 2am to help the BIL plow snow. That's what Adam does during the winter. He helps my BIL's snow plowing business. It puts cash in our pockets and gets the stink blowed off of him for a few hours. Works out for everyone. Anyway, after Adam had gone to bed Emily took a shower. Afterwards Blake was in bed and Emily was doing her homework while I watched TV. I looked over at Em and she looked different somehow. That's when I realized her right eyebrow looked a little funny. I asked her to come over to me and I saw that the top of her eyebrow was actually gone. When I asked her what happened she acted like she had no idea. I asked her if she had a sticker on her head or something and pulled it off, taking half of her eyebrow with her and she said no. She went in the bathroom to look at it and still denied knowing anything when she came back out. I looked her right in the eyes and said, "Really Emily. Tell me. What happened? There's no way part of your eyebrow can come up missing and you have no idea what happened. I wont be mad, I promise." She starts crying. The story goes like this:

Emily was in the shower washing her leg. She notices it feels prickly, "You know, like yours does sometimes." (thanks Em.) So she decides she's going to shave it. She goes for my razor when she realizes not only is her leg hairy, but the area between her eyebrows is too. She decides that before she shaves her legs, she's going to take care of her uni-brow. This is when she knocks off the top of her eyebrow. She said she saw all the hair in her hand and freaked out and threw the hair down the drain. She said she thought she shaved off her whole eyebrow but then felt that there was some hair left.

OMG.

So now she's still crying and I'm trying not to laugh. I'm also very impressed with the fact that without a mirror, she's managed at the ripe old age of seven, to lob off the top of her eyebrow, cleanly, without so much as a cut on her face. Also without any real stubble. I said, "Are you crying because you're mad at yourself?" She nods. I said, "Well, you're going to do a lot of things that make you mad at yourself so it's ok." I asked her if she learned anything from this. "Yeah. Don't mess with your razor." I said, "Well. I don't think any of your friends at school are even going to notice so I wouldn't even mention it. But...now I have to take your picture."




Adam didn't notice it today so when I got off work this evening I had to tell him the story. I thought he was going to die laughing. Obviously, after the eyebrow scare, she didn't dare go at one of her legs with the razor. Thank god.

Last weekend we went to Christmas in the Village in Downtown Davenport. It was from 6pm to 9pm with fireworks starting at 9pm. The weather started out decent, for December anyway, and despite Adam treating me like I was coo-coo for cocoa pops, I made the kids bundle up in every winter acessory they had. Turned out this was a great idea because it was pretty freaking windy and cold by the time we left. We had found a spot to sit with chairs outside of a coffee shop to watch the fireworks but Emily started complaining about 5 minutes before they started that she was cold and tired so we headed to the car. Just as we got to the car the fireworks started and they were directly across the street from us. We had an awesome spot, so we thought, until we realized the little things flying at us weren't bits of the tree we were standing under but actual bits of shells from the fireworks. The wind was blowing directly at us and turned us into targets. After about the fourth one and seeing the sparks from the fireworks scurry over our heads we decided to get everyone in the car and get outta there. As we pulled about 50 feet forward to a stop sign the fireworks finale started and we had a toasty warm (and safe) spot to watch them. We had a great time otherwise. We took a horse and carriage ride and got our pictures taken with all kinds of wintry friends. Blake was really freaked out by The Grinch but as he only seemed to weigh about a buck seventy, I told Blake I could take him if needed. Didn't matter. Blake hid with strangers to avoid the greeny meany.







This Friday is Emily's winter program and hopefully she can hang onto both of her eyebrows for the performance. If not, I'll surely have pictures.

...and that's why you found me in the fetal position when you came home from work last week...and the week before that...and everyday in August...

Now that Adam is laid off I’ll be picking up extra shifts at work, and believe me, there are plenty of extra shifts for anyone who wants them. Our FT 2nd shifter goes on vaca next week. Our FT 3rd shifter is taking the following 2 weeks after that and a FT 1st shifter is taking the 2 weeks after that. My schedule for the next 2 weeks goes a little something like this:

Work 3rd shift on Sunday, off for two days, work 1st shift, 2nd shift, 2 days of 3rd shift, off for one day, 3rd shift, off 1 day, 2nd shift, off for xmas day, 2nd shift then 3rd shift. Whew. This is soooo going to screw up my sleep but we are so broke right now with Adam not working full weeks due to the weather and now waiting for his unemployment to kick in at the end of the month that it’ll be worth it when we’re actually able to pay the rent in January.

Adam paid me a huge compliment Tuesday night. All summer I’ve been telling him how awful Blake can be. He gets into everything, doesn’t listen and talks back. There were days, especially during the time Adam worked out of town and wasn’t home, that I wanted to rip my hair out. All day on Tuesday I let Adam pretty much take care of Blake. I let him get mad when Blake got into the fridge AGAIN, when he made a big mess in his room, when he wouldn’t eat his dinner and would scream out, “NO!” when you ask him to do something. Finally, at the end of the night, when Blake was supposed to be in bed but got up for what seemed like the 15th time, Adam had had enough. Blake got scolded and I got a “I’m so sorry you’ve gone through this all summer. I don’t know how you did it.”

It’s ok. When I look back I wonder how I did it myself. I keep telling myself, “Someday he’ll be in school and I’ll miss these days with him.” Of course it’s easy to feel nostalgic AFTER he’s gone to bed and the day is done. During the day its more like Joan Crawford. You don’t really get that warm fuzzy feeling when you’re screaming out, “NO MORE WIRE HANGERS!” Or maybe you do, in which case you should consider therapy. And Xanax.

Off to a good start...almost

So Adam did get laid off for the winter at the end of his shift yesterday. When Adam gets laid off we practically reverse rolls for a while. It allows me to work more hours and then he gets to do all the running around with the kids, clean and make dinner.

Since today's Tuesday Adam got to take Blake to preschool. When he got home we stuck with our plan to go to our apartment complex's workout facilities while Blake's at school. We worked out for an hour, did a little shopping and Adam dropped me off at a craft store so I could get some more yarn for the blankets I'm working on for the kids. Unfortunately of the 4 skeins of yarn I bought, 2 were the wrong shade. Boo! Anyway, we picked Blake up and then came home and attempted to put up our xmas tree that my sis and BIL brought from their house. Sadly we couldn't put up the tree because the tree stand wasn't in the box. Double-boo! So, then we both battled the disaster that is our bedroom. I cleaned our bathroom, Emily came home and we went to Wal-Mart to pick up Adam's new glasses.

I made dinner, we ate and around 8:00 the kids put on their jammies and got ready for bed. I don't remember why she said it but Emily mentioned that tomorrow was Wednesday. That's when it struck me that we totally forgot to take Emily to dance class! Whoops! Well, we almost got it right today.

It's like this and like that and like this and a...

Blake's birthday party was a huge success yesterday. Special shout-out to my hubby who stayed up very late on Saturday night cleaning while I was at work. The house looked wonderful. Now if he could only magically make our living room about 5 feet wider so we could comfortably put the Christmas tree where I want it. *sigh*

Also awesome job to everyone who bought Blake a gift. I think everyone except my sister asked what to get him and to everyone I said, "Anything Batman, Superman, Spiderman, Iron Man. Basically anything ending in 'man.' " Everyone got him the perfect thing that wasn't already something he had. He got big Superman and Batman action figures, some little spiderman, iron man and such, some cash, remote control cars, a hot wheels track. Lots of goodies. Adam took one look at that hot wheels track and said, "Yeah. I can't WAIT to get laid off!"

I started putting some of the xmas decorations up this morning. I'm missing things and I don't know if I want to go out to my sister's house to dig through all my stuff and bring it back here only to take it down in a couple weeks. It just doesn't seem worth it somehow.

I slept on the couch last night because Adam fell asleep on top of the bed, diagonally. With his clothes on. And his shoes. And he would NOT move. In fact I got yelled at by a very groggy Adam for even suggesting it. I thought it was FREEZING in the bedroom anyway so I grabbed my pillow and a blanket and spent a peaceful night on the couch.

If my son doesn't stay out of the kitchen and refrigerator I may be forced to duct tape him to the wall. Don't make me do it. No. Really.

I seriously need to clean our bedroom and our bathroom. I cleaned the main bathroom before the party but would have DIED if anyone would have needed to use ours. In fact I probably would have made one of the neighbors open up their home so as to save myself the embarrassment.

Adam may very well be getting laid off today for the winter. Then we'll be spending the next five months watching movies, playing RockBand and drinking. It's a lot like college all over again, except with clean clothes.

To my Buddy Bear

Well the snow is flying and that can only mean one thing. Today, December 3rd, my little Buddy Bear turns four years old. I would say it doesn't seem that long ago but actually, it does. We've often said, and by often I mean as recent as last night, "If Blake would have came first, we would have never had an Emily." I used to think my grey hairs started when I got Adam. That was NOTHING compared to my Blake. I love spending time with Blake but I think I would enjoy our time even more if he would just "quit it." Quit getting into the refrigerator. Quit getting into my purse. Quit trying to cut open packages with scissors. Quit using his Leggo table, a Rubbermaid tote, a small folding chair, a dining room chair--whatever to get up on the counter, the table, the dryer, the bathroom counter. Quit getting into the Band-aids. I swear he opened up 3 boxes of them 2 weeks ago, and where most kids just put them on their bodies, Blake put them...who knows where. All I know is I had zero Band-aids left and I couldn't find a single one stuck to anything.

Threats are nothing to him and cuss words are his new thing. Today he told me, "It's my birthday, bitches!" After we got groceries as we pulled up in front of the building he declared, "I'm home, bitches!" (Don't worry, we're working on putting a stop to that, although sometimes, when we're not out in public, it makes us giggle.)

Yes, our Blake has always been a maniac. Right from the day he was born. Sure he looked sweet.



Even when Emily held him for the first time and said, "He's cute isn't he?" Yep. He even had her fooled.



But you can look into his eyes and see it. The craziness.





He does have his moments. The ones where he finally lets you breathe and you can take a step back and say, "Geez, he's not so bad!"





Then he wakes up and you're fighting to keep him from putting those stupid boots on again.



But we sure do love you, buddy.



Even when you would drool and have mystery baby food stuck to your nose.



Even when you puked on us. (Which is exactly what happened RIGHT after this photo, even though he doesn't look like he's about to yakk. Sorry Susie! Thanks for being such a sport!)



We love to hold you and have fun with you. Even now that you don't always want to be held.






Even when you get scared of your first fireworks and throw the blanket over your head for cover.



You will always be my hero.




Despite your obvious drinking problem.