I found this quote regarding the game, Rock/Paper/Scissors and it made me laugh out loud. Adam and I are prone to many, many games of RPS. I thought I would share it with you.
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there’s no fucking way Paper could beat Rock. Apparently, Paper is supposed to magically “wrap around” Rock, leaving it immobile. Why the hell can’t Paper do this to Scissors? No, never mind Scissors, why can’t Paper do this to people? Why aren’t sheets of college-ruled notebook paper constantly smothering students as they attempt to take notes in class? I’ll tell you why: because Paper can’t beat anybody. A rock would tear that shit up in about a minute.
Whenever I play Rock/Paper/Scissors, I always choose Rock. When somebody claims to have beaten me with their Paper, I punch them in the face with my already-clenched fist. I’ll say, “Oh, shit, man, I’m sorry, I thought Paper would protect you. Asshole.”
Classic.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Back To School debt...
I spent a whole lotta time last weekend shopping for back-to-school stuff for the kids. Except for a back-pack, Blake needed nothing supply-wise. Emily was the only one that actually needed school supplies. I learned the hard-way when Emily was in Kindergarten to buy extra supplies during this time of the year. During Emily's first year of school I would get notes home saying, "Emily needs a red crayon." Or, "Emily needs another orange marker." What I was once able to pick up at Wal-Mart at the end of summer for $0.15 a pack was now $2.37. Now when the supply list calls for one box of 24 crayons, I buy six. One pack of 8 crayola markers? Great, here ya go and there's seven more where that came from. Last year I even bought her two backpacks because the ones she liked happened to only be $5 and I thought for sure she'd put a big hole in the bottom of it before the year was up. Wouldn't you know it that bag lasted the whole year so this year I didn't have to buy a backpack!
I love back-to-school shopping. I always have. When I was little every year my mom and I would go to KMart and she would put a ton of clothes on layaway. I loved that week or two before school would start when we would go pick them up. You always forget exactly what it is you put on layaway so it's exciting to see those shirts, pants and dresses hanging in that clear plastic bag and go, "Oh yeah! I forgot I got that!"
I was really looking forward to this past Friday and going shopping with the kids. I knew we had the extra money to pick up what we needed so that was one less thing I had to worry about. I had to stop at Emily's school first because I had a fear I had forgotten to register her. I went in ready to sit for at least 30 minutes filling out paperwork. Turns out she was good to go. Sweet! Then we went to lunch at our usual Friday spot, Chick Fil-A. When we left the school and I asked the kids where they wanted to go (secretly hoping for a Chick Fil-A answer) Emily said, "How 'bout McDonalds?" Blake said, "No! Not McDonalds! Chick Fil-A is better!" Double Sweet!
From there we headed to Wal-Mart. The first thing I did was let Blake pick out a backpack. I thought maybe it would keep him occupied while Emily and I got her supplies. He is starting his final year of preschool this year and will be riding the bus and everything. He'll be gone Monday-Thursday from about 10:30 to 3:30 or 3:45. I'm going to miss him terribly and I know I will cry on the first day when I put him on that bus but dang, am I looking forward to Blake-free afternoons! I already have a just-me lunch planned at Olive Garden. Soup, salad and breadsticks here I come! The first backpack he saw was G.I. Joe. That was the one he wanted. Then, no. He wanted something else. Then it was Transformers. No, not that Transformers, the other one. Nope, I like this Spiderman one. Not that one it has the Hulk. The Hulk is scary. Eventually we settled on Transformers. I started going around putting Emily's supplies in the cart. Boxes of crayons...check. Number two pencils...check. White Vinyl erasers...check. As I'm going, Blake's putting his own made-up list of supplies in the cart. When I take them out he has a fit. I let him cry for a while when I finally can't take it anymore. His own $0.15 box of crayons shuts him up.
After that we were off to the shoes. I think Blake tried on about five pair before he settled on some skater shoes that he liked. I learned early on with Blake, if he doesn't like, he's not going to eat it, wear it or use it. It's better to let him pick out things on his own, that way you know they'll get used. Emily found some shoes she liked and we were off to the clothes. I got Blake a few pairs of pants and shirts. There has been talk for the last year or more that Blake may have some color blindness. Despite that he has always been very good at dressing himself in clothes that match. Emily, however could care less if she is wearing a flowered shirt and plaid shorts with Christmas socks in May. I made sure to show everything to Blake before I put it in the cart. At one point I asked him if he liked this certain green shirt. He said yes if he had those green pants to wear with it. Done and done.
Emily ended up with a couple pairs of pants, a shirt that came with a vest and scarf and a dress. I made it out $154.00 later, which I didn't think was awful. I also picked up our Gordman's layaway on the way home.
Saturday morning after work I had planned on going to the farmer's market but the rain had different plans. I called Adam and told him I was going to go get groceries instead. He wanted to come along so I had to go home first and wait for him and the kids to get ready. We ate breakfast and made a new itinerary that included paying the rent and going to JCPenney for their door buster deals. I've been having a hard time finding jeans for Emily because while she is average height for her age, she's got a booty and a belly and apparently short legs. After literally making her try on at least a dozen pairs of jeans this week at Goodwill, I found out women's size 0 capri jeans, or ones that come rolled up and can be un-rolled fit her perfect. I just knew I could find her some size 0 capri jeans at Penney's.
I found some on clearance and after trying on several more we walked away from that department with just one pair. We found two outfits for Blake and while we were in line I remembered I wanted to check out the shoes. Adam tried to protest but finally gave in. I scored in the shoe department getting Emily two pairs of leather mary janes, one brown and one blue for $3.55 each.
After that we decided it was time for me to get new tires on the front of my car because mine are very near bald. We went to Farm and Fleet and I started hitting up their clearance sales. First to the shoes. The kids found rain boots they liked and they were half off. My dad had said he wanted to get the kids rain boots so he ended up paying me back for those. Then I found a pair of boot-type shoes for Blake in his size. They were $20 then half-off. Adam and I decided they would be better than the skater shoes he picked out at Wal-Mart and after I let him run up and down the aisle in them a few times and telling him how much "faster" he'll be able to run in them than the ones he picked out at Wal-Mart, Blake was all for it too. They had a bunch of clothes that weren't just summer clothes on clearance for Emily and I grabbed a couple outfits and some shirts. Once I got to the register I found out Blake's shoes were actually $4.88. Sweet Lincoln's Mullet! So now I think we're finally done with school shopping. My wallet says so, anyway.
I love back-to-school shopping. I always have. When I was little every year my mom and I would go to KMart and she would put a ton of clothes on layaway. I loved that week or two before school would start when we would go pick them up. You always forget exactly what it is you put on layaway so it's exciting to see those shirts, pants and dresses hanging in that clear plastic bag and go, "Oh yeah! I forgot I got that!"
I was really looking forward to this past Friday and going shopping with the kids. I knew we had the extra money to pick up what we needed so that was one less thing I had to worry about. I had to stop at Emily's school first because I had a fear I had forgotten to register her. I went in ready to sit for at least 30 minutes filling out paperwork. Turns out she was good to go. Sweet! Then we went to lunch at our usual Friday spot, Chick Fil-A. When we left the school and I asked the kids where they wanted to go (secretly hoping for a Chick Fil-A answer) Emily said, "How 'bout McDonalds?" Blake said, "No! Not McDonalds! Chick Fil-A is better!" Double Sweet!
From there we headed to Wal-Mart. The first thing I did was let Blake pick out a backpack. I thought maybe it would keep him occupied while Emily and I got her supplies. He is starting his final year of preschool this year and will be riding the bus and everything. He'll be gone Monday-Thursday from about 10:30 to 3:30 or 3:45. I'm going to miss him terribly and I know I will cry on the first day when I put him on that bus but dang, am I looking forward to Blake-free afternoons! I already have a just-me lunch planned at Olive Garden. Soup, salad and breadsticks here I come! The first backpack he saw was G.I. Joe. That was the one he wanted. Then, no. He wanted something else. Then it was Transformers. No, not that Transformers, the other one. Nope, I like this Spiderman one. Not that one it has the Hulk. The Hulk is scary. Eventually we settled on Transformers. I started going around putting Emily's supplies in the cart. Boxes of crayons...check. Number two pencils...check. White Vinyl erasers...check. As I'm going, Blake's putting his own made-up list of supplies in the cart. When I take them out he has a fit. I let him cry for a while when I finally can't take it anymore. His own $0.15 box of crayons shuts him up.
After that we were off to the shoes. I think Blake tried on about five pair before he settled on some skater shoes that he liked. I learned early on with Blake, if he doesn't like, he's not going to eat it, wear it or use it. It's better to let him pick out things on his own, that way you know they'll get used. Emily found some shoes she liked and we were off to the clothes. I got Blake a few pairs of pants and shirts. There has been talk for the last year or more that Blake may have some color blindness. Despite that he has always been very good at dressing himself in clothes that match. Emily, however could care less if she is wearing a flowered shirt and plaid shorts with Christmas socks in May. I made sure to show everything to Blake before I put it in the cart. At one point I asked him if he liked this certain green shirt. He said yes if he had those green pants to wear with it. Done and done.
Emily ended up with a couple pairs of pants, a shirt that came with a vest and scarf and a dress. I made it out $154.00 later, which I didn't think was awful. I also picked up our Gordman's layaway on the way home.
Saturday morning after work I had planned on going to the farmer's market but the rain had different plans. I called Adam and told him I was going to go get groceries instead. He wanted to come along so I had to go home first and wait for him and the kids to get ready. We ate breakfast and made a new itinerary that included paying the rent and going to JCPenney for their door buster deals. I've been having a hard time finding jeans for Emily because while she is average height for her age, she's got a booty and a belly and apparently short legs. After literally making her try on at least a dozen pairs of jeans this week at Goodwill, I found out women's size 0 capri jeans, or ones that come rolled up and can be un-rolled fit her perfect. I just knew I could find her some size 0 capri jeans at Penney's.
I found some on clearance and after trying on several more we walked away from that department with just one pair. We found two outfits for Blake and while we were in line I remembered I wanted to check out the shoes. Adam tried to protest but finally gave in. I scored in the shoe department getting Emily two pairs of leather mary janes, one brown and one blue for $3.55 each.
After that we decided it was time for me to get new tires on the front of my car because mine are very near bald. We went to Farm and Fleet and I started hitting up their clearance sales. First to the shoes. The kids found rain boots they liked and they were half off. My dad had said he wanted to get the kids rain boots so he ended up paying me back for those. Then I found a pair of boot-type shoes for Blake in his size. They were $20 then half-off. Adam and I decided they would be better than the skater shoes he picked out at Wal-Mart and after I let him run up and down the aisle in them a few times and telling him how much "faster" he'll be able to run in them than the ones he picked out at Wal-Mart, Blake was all for it too. They had a bunch of clothes that weren't just summer clothes on clearance for Emily and I grabbed a couple outfits and some shirts. Once I got to the register I found out Blake's shoes were actually $4.88. Sweet Lincoln's Mullet! So now I think we're finally done with school shopping. My wallet says so, anyway.
Some Randoms...
Gosselin Random...
I think Jon Gosselin is the biggest douchebag to ever walk the face of this planet. I am not a follower of Jon & Kate Plus 8. I think I've seen two or three episodes and that was a few years ago. I remember thinking, "How in the HELL did these two people ever hook up in the first place??" I have no idea how they met, nor do I give two shits, but I do have a scenerio in my mind as to how it happened.
Jon and Kate go to the same college circa 1993. Jon is a partying, good-time frat boy with lots of friends. He listens to 4 Non Blondes and Ace of Base, plus a little Sugar Ray for good measure. Kate is the hard-studying bitch friend who hates her roommate because she makes friends easily and seems to be breezing through courses even though she is out all night every night having a good time. Kate has just two or three friends but she is close to them and they put up with her being a hard-core bitch because that's just how she is.
One of Kate's friends gets invited a party at Jon's fraternity. None of them know Jon, nor does Jon know any of them. One of the friends talks Kate into going even though she would really rather sit in her room and study for mid-terms since it will be quiet because her roommate is skiing with her new boyfriend all weekend. The party is like something out of Animal House. Kate thinks it's "dumb". Her friends start having a good time. They try to get Kate to have a good time. Kate finds some guy in the kitchen who shares her anger about the party and together they have many drinks with much hard liquor. Kate's new "friend" has to leave to take care of a puking buddy. Enter a drunk Jon. Witness a drunk Kate. See Kate hump drunk Jon in a random room in a passionate, drunk, angry sex kinda way. See Jon really like it. See Kate think that will never happen again. See Amy stop writing like she's all tarded up.
Kate wakes up the next day with a "that will NEVER happen again" attitude. Jon wakes up the next day and has apply cream to the whip marks on his back, but he likes it! He finds out where Kate lives. He bugs her until they go out on another date. He has to get her drunk in order to get more sex. They become a couple with her wearing the pants and him going along with whatever she wants just so she'll spank him later. They get married. They have twins. They want one more kid but her negative attitude keeps them from getting pregnant. They try drugs to help the process. They have six babies at once. Jon never gets sex again. The End.
Here's where the douchebaggery comes in. I used to hate Kate and feel bad for Jon. I think most of America did. However, since we've all had to endure the last few months of Gosslin-mania I'm starting to feel a little sympathy towards Kate and a lot of eye-rolling towards Jon. It doesn't even have anything to do with their divorce, or his new girlfriends. It has everything to do with his hair-plugs and the Ed Hardy clothes.
I see him decked head-to-toe in Ed Hardy gear and I wanna vom in the nearest trashcan. I'm not 100% sure why I feel this way. I guess it's because I read somewhere that Christian Audigier sent the whole family Ed Hardy clothing and he was the only douche who was willing to wear it. Now, because of his horrible taste in clothing and Christian Audigier's bad business sense, we're going to be forced not only to see more of Jon Gosselin's 30-something ass wearing 20-something clothing, but probably his innocent kids too. I just keep waiting for Jon to show up at some skate park wearing those tattoo sleeves they sell at halloween time for people who want to dress like bikers but don't want the commitment of putting 72 tattoos on their arms. It makes me want to kick him in his hair plugs.
Dental Randoms...
Sunday morning I was leaving work and it was raining and kinda blah. As I was pulling out of the hospital a woman was walking into the hospital drive. She was wearing pants and a heavy winter coat. It was orange with brown fur around the hood. She had the hood up over her head and a huge toothless smile on her face. She was probably nuttier than a fruitcake and maybe even smiling because she just kicked a baby bunny all the way down 24th street but I couldn't help but smile too when I passed her. She made my morning seem a little less dreary. Thanks crazy-toothless lady!
Commute Randoms...
For those of you who don't know, I live in Iowa but work in Illinois. The hospital I work at is in the 'hood, but not the deep 'hood. We get lots of shootings and stabbings and the ER is constantly having to go on lock-down.
They are doing construction on the bridge I take to get to work. For those of you not geographically inclined, Iowa and Illinois are separated by the Mississippi, therefore a bridge is necessary for my commute. (: I can get across it pretty easily but the on-ramp home is closed so a lengthy detour is in place. Because of this I started taking another route and bridge home and I love it. It gets me home a few minutes earlier than my original route even without the new detour. I also get to drive downtown along the Mississippi and there is a lot less morning traffic.
My new route does, however, put me right into the deep 'hood. It's never bothered me when I come home because It's 7am and all the drama is usually over and all the gangstas are tucked safely into their beds. Yesterday though, I had to work 2nd shift and so my peaceful route home was a little more scary at 11:30 at night. There were lots of people just wandering around, crossing the street, yelling, running, and just generally being shady. I was so glad to cross the bridge and get out of there.
Schedule Randoms...
Two weeks ago I sent an e-mail to my supervisor and my manager letting them know that once my kids start school on the 10th, I cannot help out on 1st or 2nd shift anymore. I did this because we had one girl on 1st shift who's last week was the coming week at the switchboard and then she was moving to a different department. I can't work other shifts anymore because of Blake's preschool schedule. I have to drive him to his bus, which is about a mile away around 10:30am and pick him back up around 3:45. There is no one else to do this. This is all me. Plus, my first priority is the kiddos, not the hospital. My manager sent me a response telling me he understands, no problem. Not long after that my supervisor put in her resignation. I was glad I got my two-cents in before the schedule got crazier!
Yesterday I get to work and my supervisor, who is working her last week with us, mind you, had sent me an e-mail telling me I had to work 1st shift next Wednesday. Um, no? Seriously? So I sent another e-mail back explaining why I couldn't. "Well can you work 2nd shift that day?" Really? Jesus woman! Why are you messing with my schedule for a period of time when you wont even be my boss anymore?!?!? Asshat.
I think Jon Gosselin is the biggest douchebag to ever walk the face of this planet. I am not a follower of Jon & Kate Plus 8. I think I've seen two or three episodes and that was a few years ago. I remember thinking, "How in the HELL did these two people ever hook up in the first place??" I have no idea how they met, nor do I give two shits, but I do have a scenerio in my mind as to how it happened.
Jon and Kate go to the same college circa 1993. Jon is a partying, good-time frat boy with lots of friends. He listens to 4 Non Blondes and Ace of Base, plus a little Sugar Ray for good measure. Kate is the hard-studying bitch friend who hates her roommate because she makes friends easily and seems to be breezing through courses even though she is out all night every night having a good time. Kate has just two or three friends but she is close to them and they put up with her being a hard-core bitch because that's just how she is.
One of Kate's friends gets invited a party at Jon's fraternity. None of them know Jon, nor does Jon know any of them. One of the friends talks Kate into going even though she would really rather sit in her room and study for mid-terms since it will be quiet because her roommate is skiing with her new boyfriend all weekend. The party is like something out of Animal House. Kate thinks it's "dumb". Her friends start having a good time. They try to get Kate to have a good time. Kate finds some guy in the kitchen who shares her anger about the party and together they have many drinks with much hard liquor. Kate's new "friend" has to leave to take care of a puking buddy. Enter a drunk Jon. Witness a drunk Kate. See Kate hump drunk Jon in a random room in a passionate, drunk, angry sex kinda way. See Jon really like it. See Kate think that will never happen again. See Amy stop writing like she's all tarded up.
Kate wakes up the next day with a "that will NEVER happen again" attitude. Jon wakes up the next day and has apply cream to the whip marks on his back, but he likes it! He finds out where Kate lives. He bugs her until they go out on another date. He has to get her drunk in order to get more sex. They become a couple with her wearing the pants and him going along with whatever she wants just so she'll spank him later. They get married. They have twins. They want one more kid but her negative attitude keeps them from getting pregnant. They try drugs to help the process. They have six babies at once. Jon never gets sex again. The End.
Here's where the douchebaggery comes in. I used to hate Kate and feel bad for Jon. I think most of America did. However, since we've all had to endure the last few months of Gosslin-mania I'm starting to feel a little sympathy towards Kate and a lot of eye-rolling towards Jon. It doesn't even have anything to do with their divorce, or his new girlfriends. It has everything to do with his hair-plugs and the Ed Hardy clothes.
I see him decked head-to-toe in Ed Hardy gear and I wanna vom in the nearest trashcan. I'm not 100% sure why I feel this way. I guess it's because I read somewhere that Christian Audigier sent the whole family Ed Hardy clothing and he was the only douche who was willing to wear it. Now, because of his horrible taste in clothing and Christian Audigier's bad business sense, we're going to be forced not only to see more of Jon Gosselin's 30-something ass wearing 20-something clothing, but probably his innocent kids too. I just keep waiting for Jon to show up at some skate park wearing those tattoo sleeves they sell at halloween time for people who want to dress like bikers but don't want the commitment of putting 72 tattoos on their arms. It makes me want to kick him in his hair plugs.
Dental Randoms...
Sunday morning I was leaving work and it was raining and kinda blah. As I was pulling out of the hospital a woman was walking into the hospital drive. She was wearing pants and a heavy winter coat. It was orange with brown fur around the hood. She had the hood up over her head and a huge toothless smile on her face. She was probably nuttier than a fruitcake and maybe even smiling because she just kicked a baby bunny all the way down 24th street but I couldn't help but smile too when I passed her. She made my morning seem a little less dreary. Thanks crazy-toothless lady!
Commute Randoms...
For those of you who don't know, I live in Iowa but work in Illinois. The hospital I work at is in the 'hood, but not the deep 'hood. We get lots of shootings and stabbings and the ER is constantly having to go on lock-down.
They are doing construction on the bridge I take to get to work. For those of you not geographically inclined, Iowa and Illinois are separated by the Mississippi, therefore a bridge is necessary for my commute. (: I can get across it pretty easily but the on-ramp home is closed so a lengthy detour is in place. Because of this I started taking another route and bridge home and I love it. It gets me home a few minutes earlier than my original route even without the new detour. I also get to drive downtown along the Mississippi and there is a lot less morning traffic.
My new route does, however, put me right into the deep 'hood. It's never bothered me when I come home because It's 7am and all the drama is usually over and all the gangstas are tucked safely into their beds. Yesterday though, I had to work 2nd shift and so my peaceful route home was a little more scary at 11:30 at night. There were lots of people just wandering around, crossing the street, yelling, running, and just generally being shady. I was so glad to cross the bridge and get out of there.
Schedule Randoms...
Two weeks ago I sent an e-mail to my supervisor and my manager letting them know that once my kids start school on the 10th, I cannot help out on 1st or 2nd shift anymore. I did this because we had one girl on 1st shift who's last week was the coming week at the switchboard and then she was moving to a different department. I can't work other shifts anymore because of Blake's preschool schedule. I have to drive him to his bus, which is about a mile away around 10:30am and pick him back up around 3:45. There is no one else to do this. This is all me. Plus, my first priority is the kiddos, not the hospital. My manager sent me a response telling me he understands, no problem. Not long after that my supervisor put in her resignation. I was glad I got my two-cents in before the schedule got crazier!
Yesterday I get to work and my supervisor, who is working her last week with us, mind you, had sent me an e-mail telling me I had to work 1st shift next Wednesday. Um, no? Seriously? So I sent another e-mail back explaining why I couldn't. "Well can you work 2nd shift that day?" Really? Jesus woman! Why are you messing with my schedule for a period of time when you wont even be my boss anymore?!?!? Asshat.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
About Me
- AmyWaWa
- In no particular order I'm a wife, mother, sister, daughter and general observer of humans.