Some Randoms...

Gosselin Random...

I think Jon Gosselin is the biggest douchebag to ever walk the face of this planet. I am not a follower of Jon & Kate Plus 8. I think I've seen two or three episodes and that was a few years ago. I remember thinking, "How in the HELL did these two people ever hook up in the first place??" I have no idea how they met, nor do I give two shits, but I do have a scenerio in my mind as to how it happened.

Jon and Kate go to the same college circa 1993. Jon is a partying, good-time frat boy with lots of friends. He listens to 4 Non Blondes and Ace of Base, plus a little Sugar Ray for good measure. Kate is the hard-studying bitch friend who hates her roommate because she makes friends easily and seems to be breezing through courses even though she is out all night every night having a good time. Kate has just two or three friends but she is close to them and they put up with her being a hard-core bitch because that's just how she is.

One of Kate's friends gets invited a party at Jon's fraternity. None of them know Jon, nor does Jon know any of them. One of the friends talks Kate into going even though she would really rather sit in her room and study for mid-terms since it will be quiet because her roommate is skiing with her new boyfriend all weekend. The party is like something out of Animal House. Kate thinks it's "dumb". Her friends start having a good time. They try to get Kate to have a good time. Kate finds some guy in the kitchen who shares her anger about the party and together they have many drinks with much hard liquor. Kate's new "friend" has to leave to take care of a puking buddy. Enter a drunk Jon. Witness a drunk Kate. See Kate hump drunk Jon in a random room in a passionate, drunk, angry sex kinda way. See Jon really like it. See Kate think that will never happen again. See Amy stop writing like she's all tarded up.

Kate wakes up the next day with a "that will NEVER happen again" attitude. Jon wakes up the next day and has apply cream to the whip marks on his back, but he likes it! He finds out where Kate lives. He bugs her until they go out on another date. He has to get her drunk in order to get more sex. They become a couple with her wearing the pants and him going along with whatever she wants just so she'll spank him later. They get married. They have twins. They want one more kid but her negative attitude keeps them from getting pregnant. They try drugs to help the process. They have six babies at once. Jon never gets sex again. The End.

Here's where the douchebaggery comes in. I used to hate Kate and feel bad for Jon. I think most of America did. However, since we've all had to endure the last few months of Gosslin-mania I'm starting to feel a little sympathy towards Kate and a lot of eye-rolling towards Jon. It doesn't even have anything to do with their divorce, or his new girlfriends. It has everything to do with his hair-plugs and the Ed Hardy clothes.

I see him decked head-to-toe in Ed Hardy gear and I wanna vom in the nearest trashcan. I'm not 100% sure why I feel this way. I guess it's because I read somewhere that Christian Audigier sent the whole family Ed Hardy clothing and he was the only douche who was willing to wear it. Now, because of his horrible taste in clothing and Christian Audigier's bad business sense, we're going to be forced not only to see more of Jon Gosselin's 30-something ass wearing 20-something clothing, but probably his innocent kids too. I just keep waiting for Jon to show up at some skate park wearing those tattoo sleeves they sell at halloween time for people who want to dress like bikers but don't want the commitment of putting 72 tattoos on their arms. It makes me want to kick him in his hair plugs.


Dental Randoms...
Sunday morning I was leaving work and it was raining and kinda blah. As I was pulling out of the hospital a woman was walking into the hospital drive. She was wearing pants and a heavy winter coat. It was orange with brown fur around the hood. She had the hood up over her head and a huge toothless smile on her face. She was probably nuttier than a fruitcake and maybe even smiling because she just kicked a baby bunny all the way down 24th street but I couldn't help but smile too when I passed her. She made my morning seem a little less dreary. Thanks crazy-toothless lady!


Commute Randoms...
For those of you who don't know, I live in Iowa but work in Illinois. The hospital I work at is in the 'hood, but not the deep 'hood. We get lots of shootings and stabbings and the ER is constantly having to go on lock-down.

They are doing construction on the bridge I take to get to work. For those of you not geographically inclined, Iowa and Illinois are separated by the Mississippi, therefore a bridge is necessary for my commute. (: I can get across it pretty easily but the on-ramp home is closed so a lengthy detour is in place. Because of this I started taking another route and bridge home and I love it. It gets me home a few minutes earlier than my original route even without the new detour. I also get to drive downtown along the Mississippi and there is a lot less morning traffic.

My new route does, however, put me right into the deep 'hood. It's never bothered me when I come home because It's 7am and all the drama is usually over and all the gangstas are tucked safely into their beds. Yesterday though, I had to work 2nd shift and so my peaceful route home was a little more scary at 11:30 at night. There were lots of people just wandering around, crossing the street, yelling, running, and just generally being shady. I was so glad to cross the bridge and get out of there.

Schedule Randoms...
Two weeks ago I sent an e-mail to my supervisor and my manager letting them know that once my kids start school on the 10th, I cannot help out on 1st or 2nd shift anymore. I did this because we had one girl on 1st shift who's last week was the coming week at the switchboard and then she was moving to a different department. I can't work other shifts anymore because of Blake's preschool schedule. I have to drive him to his bus, which is about a mile away around 10:30am and pick him back up around 3:45. There is no one else to do this. This is all me. Plus, my first priority is the kiddos, not the hospital. My manager sent me a response telling me he understands, no problem. Not long after that my supervisor put in her resignation. I was glad I got my two-cents in before the schedule got crazier!

Yesterday I get to work and my supervisor, who is working her last week with us, mind you, had sent me an e-mail telling me I had to work 1st shift next Wednesday. Um, no? Seriously? So I sent another e-mail back explaining why I couldn't. "Well can you work 2nd shift that day?" Really? Jesus woman! Why are you messing with my schedule for a period of time when you wont even be my boss anymore?!?!? Asshat.

...and then he made me a shaker bookcase and matching adirondac chairs

My sweet little four-year old has an obsession with moustaches. When given the opportunity to say something into a fan, as kids like to do, his choice is almost always, "Moustaches are coooooool. Moustaches are coooooool. Moustaches are coooooooooooooooool."

Last Sunday Adam and I went to a local Mexican restaurant for dinner. As we walked in the door I took a quick glance at the offerings in the bubble gum machines. You never know when I'm gonna be able to add to my Homies collection. Besides, I am still looking for that one in the wheelchair. Instead of my beloved Homies, though, I did find the mother of all machines. The Moustache Machine! Sweet Lincoln's Mullet! I knew Blake had to have one, or three.

May I present to you, Straight from his New Yankee Workshop--Norm Abram!




He even let his sister take his 'stache out for a ride. (There's a moustache ride joke in there that, yes, I AM desperately trying to avoid). P.S. I have no idea what's on her face.



Eventually this moustache ended up stuck to the bottom of the television. I thought it was a large Caterpillar and was waiting for it to spin a cocoon. It never did and Adam threw it away.

A pictoral look back at the month of June

On June 3rd I opened The Flop Shop on Etsy. Buy some. Please. I'm tired of looking at the flip flops I have left.

On June 6th Adam channeled the African tribesman in him and did this for no apparent reason.

Then he did this to my eldest child and he wasn't even provoked.

June 13th found us at the Davenport skate park where Adam's band played along with several other local bands.


Adam's guitarist Karl sat in a tiny chair...


...and I got to see my friend from high school perform in his band. He married my best friend in 2005. They had only been dating since we were sophomores. That was 1990. I guess they wanted to make sure it was the real thing.

It got pretty cold for June out at the skate park and the sun stayed behind the clouds. I made the stupid decision to wear short and not bring a jacket so I pushed a small child out of it's stroller and stole his blanket. That was MUCH better.


Adam's parents visited us from Tennessee during skate park weekend. Adam's dad showed me his packs of Camels and their scary warning labels.



Later the next week I woke up and found that not only had Blake dressed himself in his new Spiderman costume, he had also captured and tied himself up using Adam's sports tape.


He also showed off his new "old man underwear". His too-big boxers that my sister bought him.


That night he shoved the too-big boxers under his tiny sleep shorts and then pulled the sleep shorts as high up his butt as possible.


Guess who really loved the thumb wrestling set he got in his meal at Taco Bell?


Father's Day was spent at my sister's house for dinner. The kids got Adam this visor with attached hair that actually looks really natural on him.




A few days before this picture was taken Emily and I watched No Doubt perform on Ellen. If you haven't seen how Gwen Stefani is styling her hair, it's like this only there's two more knots. Emily loves Gwen and wanted to rock her style. On the last day of the month I put one of the Gwen knots in her hair and she did her own make-up. Ladies and Gentlemen, Emily Stefani...