Sunday, November 11, 2007

Please...Don't...Stand...So

I thought I would make my inaugural blog about something that really irks me. I'm going to try to keep it to just this one thing because as you'll soon find out, if you don't already, that there is a laundry list of things that really irk me.

This thing is when people stand too close to me while waiting in various lines, mostly of the check-out variety. I mean seriously, when I can feel you breathing on the back of my neck (yes, this really happened to me recently and yes, it feels just as creepy as it sounds) it's time for you to step back.

I used to just stand there and take it. Just be annoyed to myself. When that wouldn't make me feel any better I would take to taking teeny, tiny steps backwards in their direction. Sometimes this works. Sometimes it backfires and makes the person annoyed because apparently they don't know it's impolite to ride piggyback on a stranger.

Every time this happens to me, regardless of how I actually react, I always play out a little scenario in my head of me calmly, but forcefully giving them an elbow jab in the ribs. I imagine just standing there like nothing is happening and then WHAMMO! You just got checked Granny! Now back off before I snatch that wig off your head and shove your "pocketbook" down your girdle!

On the same note are the people that have no sense of how long their shopping cart is and it ever so gently keeps tapping you in the ass. Sometimes you get lucky and someone that's with the offender notices and says, "Hey! You're hitting her with the cart!" Then they reply with an "Oh, sorry!" in that tone that says, "I'm stupid, please don't get mad at me." At that point there's nothing you can do but forgive them. It's like the people that cut you off in traffic or almost hit you as you're crossing in a crosswalk and you start to get really pissed but then they give you that shrug, that "sorry...I'm a dumbass" shrug and you're stuck forgiving them. You're like, "well he gave me the shrug, or the little wave that says he's stupid so I have to forgive him." Dammit! I hate that!

Sometimes that invasion of personal space is really exactly
what you need--Meredith Grey

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In no particular order I'm a wife, mother, sister, daughter and general observer of humans.