The Creature on our Fridge

We've been fighting with Blake since just after birth to keep him out of the refrigerator. Last year we got one of those locks for the fridge door and that worked for a while but soon he figured it out and we've been back to square one for several months. He gets in it before everyone else is up, or while we're doing other things. We're constantly finding pasta or chicken or packages of lunchables torn open and under his bed, dresser or wherever he wants to stash them. Today was the last straw.

Blake is horribly, HORRIBLY afraid of Halloween decorations. Two weeks ago we had to go to Factory Card Outlet and that was the day they started putting their Halloween stuff up. They didn't actually have anything OUT just the ginormous sign on their door that says HALLOWEEN. Blake TOTALLY freaked the hell out. I said, "Fine. I'll just leave you hear all by yourself outside." "OK." he said. WTG, Amy. That worked out well. I said, "I can't leave you out here you HAVE to go in with me. We're not even going to LOOK at the Halloween stuff. We're going to the other side of the store."

"I just want to hide here under your shirt." he said and started lifting up the back of my shirt. He screamed and cried and I had to pull on his arm so hard to get him in the door I thought I would end up dislocating it at the shoulder but I got him in. I kept my promise and we went to the other side of the store and he declared himself "very brave" at the registers. Sure ya are, buddy.

So, today after we found four hot dogs STILL IN THE PACKAGE in the trash for no apparent reason and two boxes of lunchables torn up in his room (not the little ones either, the expensive mamas with the candy and drink pouch) we had HAD IT! Adam went to Factory Card Outlet after dinner to find something horrible to hang on the refrigerator. He came home and we affixed this bad boy to the fridge.

It has a sensor so when you come near it it wiggles and shakes, it's eyes light up and says things like, "Let me out of here!!" Blake hates it. We are all loving it. If it works we're adopting it, naming it Tammy and starting her a college fund.

Fucktards and a birthday...not necessarily in that order

I'm getting pretty stoked for Emily's surprise party except I've only got two confirmed guests from her class and one neighbor girl. Three neighbor boys are coming, at least I assume, but they don't "count." They don't get to get one of the fabulous rocker girl parting gifts I'm putting together. I've got so much cleaning to do this week it's re.dick but whatever. At least I'll get some alone time this week during the day while the kids are in school so it will be a bit easier to do just that. I've also got to get the cake ordered at some point.

Blake's bus fucktards are still pissing me off and I can only blame my own laziness for not calling the principal to complain. I'm not usually like that when it comes to things involving my kids. Last Tuesday Blake's bus that was supposed to arrive at 3:55 came at 4:50. That's not a typo. Four motha-fuckin' fiddy! At 4:40 I called the bus barn to find out where the hell my kid was. I told them my son rides bus 19 and wasn't there yet...supposed to be 3:55...what the hell? The guy said, bus 19 is here, the keys are hanging up and the driver is gone. I FLIPPED! I was like, WHERE THE HELL IS MY SON?? He said, are you sure he isn't on bus 27? Oh. Yeah. Sorryboutthat. He said the bus was running about 20 minutes late. TWENTY MINUTES???? It's 4:40! I said, when EXACTLY is this bus supposed to arrive because the last I was told it was 3:55. "Oh, no." he said. "Let me check but that's not right." He comes back to say the bus should be arriving at 4:04. "OOOOOOHHHHHHH. Well now that makes a big difference, doesn't it? Still wanna tell me the bus is running about 20 minutes late?" "He should be there in about 10 minutes ok?" "mmm." Was all I could muster out of my mouth because of the shear anger that was building up inside of me. I hung up, mumbled a bunch of stuff about his mother and the size of his manhood and waited the ten minutes for Blakey to get there. The next day when the bus arrived at 4:37 and I was mumbling to myself about not calling the principal, the bus driver had the BALLS to say, "Not bad. Better than yesterday, huh?" I gave him a look that told him I wasn't afraid to rip his nose off with my teeth and put Blake in the car. I hate those fucktards.

Oh yeah, I didn't die.

Geez, it's been a while since I posted last and maybe some of you think I died from complications of having a ginormous hernia, but guess what bitches? I didn't so HA!

I've been getting better a little bit each day. I had a follow-up appointment with my surgeon on the 21st and at that time I had a large lump--a hematoma--where they removed one of the hernias and it was VERY sensitive. In fact it would hurt to have clothing over it. I had already been told to prepare for it and I was also told it would go away. My surgeon agreed it was normal and said I would just have to bide my time until it went away. We talked about when I would be able to go back to work and although I don't have a strenuous job in ANY sort of way, the thought of sitting in the office for eight hours straight without really being able to get up and move about did NOT sound appealing to me at all. Being AWAKE for eight hours straight at that time didn't sound appealing either. My doc said it would take me about a week and a half before I felt pretty normal so he gave me the go ahead to work anytime after the 30th and he had that about spot on. Yesterday and today I've felt somewhat close to my old self. My first day back is this coming Wednesday. I still have the hard spot, but it's going away and it's definately not as sensitive as it used to be. This week I'm going to concentrate on getting back to a 3rd shift schedule. I've been staying up late and while the kids are in school I'm going to take a nap. I haven't worked a 3rd shift, (or ANY shift) since August 9th so I'm a little out of practice. Hopefully I don't fall asleep. Or if I do hopefully no one catches me, lol.

The kids are adjusting well to school and I am LOVING the quiet time I get in the afternoon. I am NOT loving Blake's bus fucktards but there's not a whole lot I can do about them. They started out saying they would be dropping Blake off at the stop at 3:42 but for the first two days of school they weren't there before 4:15. They told Adam 4:15 would be the new drop-off time. The following week Blake didn't have school on Monday and on Tuesday the bus didn't get there until almost 4:30. The following day they called me at home at 4:06 and said the bus was waiting on me. I said, "OK, now they told me the new time was 4:15." They said, "Yeah but someone dropped out and takes a different bus so the new time is 3:55." I knew they were lying because how can ONE kid affect the bus schedule so much that now they are able to arrive up to 35 minutes sooner??? Does he put his feet on each side of the doors and kick and scream when they try to take him off the bus?

So, the next time I go by what they say and I arrive ready for a 3:55 drop-off. Wouldn't you know it they got there at 3:58. Hmm. Maybe that kid was a freak of nature after all. The next day? 4:15. FUCK! They act like I have nothing better to do than to sit and wait on their asses. Christ.

I don't have any big plans this week except hopefully a haircut tomorrow and on Thursday night we're going to the circus. I'm looking forward to it.

Adam had to get new brakes on his van today. They started grinding last night when we were heading down the road to go out for a bit so we turned around and took my car. This morning he started calling around and found a place that would put on new front brake pads for $120. I was out doing some shopping when Adam called with one of those, "Do you want the good news or the bad news?" I always ask for the bad news first and there was going to be more work that needed to be done on the brakes. It was going to cost $240. Nothing like doubling the price. Luckily Adam's check on Friday had been a big'un so we had the money for it, but it just wasn't something we were planning on. Of course, when are these things ever planned, right? Oh yeah, and it turns out he didn't even have any good news so that sucked too, lol.

Emily's birthday is in two weeks and we've decided to throw her a surprise birthday party. I've given it a rocker girl theme. It's going to be all pink and black decorations and I got a bunch of stuff from the $1 bins at Target today for the attendees. I got gift bag two-packs that are black and white hounds tooth and the other is pink with an outline of the Eiffel Tower done in houndstooth. I also got glow bracelets, and rocker buttons. I'm going to pick up pop rocks and probably either colored hairclips or fuzzy pimp hats I found at the dollar store. I want to find some nail polish too. Oh, and I got some rub-on tattoos. I also got pink, black and houndstooth sticker letters I'm going to put on the outside of each bag in the each girl's name. I got blow up guitars and microphones and some signs to hang around the house. I found cute pink and black plates and napkins at wal-mart but I'm going to pick those up a little closer to the date.

Emily thinks her party is the following weekend so when I made out the invitations for the girls in her class I printed them on pretty stationery and explained in them that it was a surprise and that she thinks the party is the following weekend and PRETTY, PRETTY PLEASE DON'T SAY ANYTHING BECAUSE I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE AND I AM ABLE TO STAY UP WAAAAY PAST YOUR BEDTIME AND YOU SLEEP PRETTY SOUND, DON'T YOU??????? So hopefully they don't say anything. I also printed "Please open when you get home" on the envelopes and told Emily I did that so they don't disturb the class and open them during class time. I asked her to pass them out as close to the end of the day as possible. I hope she remembers. Now I just need to come up with some rocker girl themed games and we'll be all set. Anyone have any ideas???