Happy New Year!

Happy New Year everyone! I have to work 3rd shift tonight (boo!) I go in at 11 so I get to spend midnight answering the phones. I'm looking for it to be a crazy night with probably a lot of drunks and car accident victims in the ER and lots of calls to the crisis line from depressed/drunk peeps. Should be interesting. How are you spending your NYE?

Christmas Extravaganza!

Because I worked 2nd shift on xmas eve, we had to break our normal family tradition of going to my sister's house to open the gifts she had bought. We were going to do it on Saturday, then they decided on Friday night that the roads out their way were too bad. Saturday morning they changed their minds and we headed to the land of presents as originally planned.


My sister buys a ton of presents for people at xmas time. Like a lot. Like lots and lots. Here's a breakdown of what I can remember everyone getting. Remember, these are all basically from my sister, with a few from my dad. Keep in mind though, my sister takes care of all of our dad's finances and of course his xmas shopping so basically a gift from my dad, while PAID FOR by him, it's really from my sister.


Me:


1. A Swatch watch. That's right! Early this year I posted a blog on my myspace about a website that lists all Swatches. I was able to find a picture of the one I got in 7th grade. I also declared in that blog that I would get another Swatch from this website in the not so distant future. I wanted one that screamed, "I am a Swatch watch straight out of the 80's!!!" Well, lucky for me when I did all that planning and booking for my sister and BIL's vacation this summer I happened to show her the Swatch site and how I wanted another Swatch. Lucky again for me that Caesar's Palace has a Swatch store in it. Whooohooo! While my new Swatch isn't TOO funky and doesn't scream 80's, it most certainly screams Swatch and I absolutely love it! I'm totally getting a Swatch guard in the next couple weeks.

2. Two Hallmark ornaments

3. 5 scratch-off lottery tickets (we each got these. She bought 30 tickets total and only 4 were winners. Blake won $5 and a free ticket and my BIL won a free ticket and $1.)

4. A handheld Sudoku game (this was "from the kids")

5. bed sheets

6. Adam and I got a $60 gift cert to Texas Roadhouse

7. $125 from my dad which we immediately handed over to my sister because she bought us a new washing machine the day after xmas when mine died last week. The rest of the washing machine money came out of Adam's snow plowing $$$.

8. Each of us got these Hallmark dancing globes. Mine was the elf one. Unfortunately Adam's reindeer would only tap one foot so he's gotta go back to the store and be exchanged.

9. The Office Season 4

10. Across the Universe DVD which I gave back to my sister because I already bought it for myself

11. A huge humidifier

12. Monopoly electronic banking



Adam got:

1. His own leg lamp from the movie "A Christmas Story". It was the first thing he opened and he said it's the only thing he needed. Even still he keeps saying, "That's the coolest thing ever. If that's all I would have got I would have been happy."

2. 4 pair of jeans

3. Fleece jammie pants "from the kids"

4. a Hallmark ornament

5. an ornament "from Emily"



Blake got:

1. 4 Planet Heroes guys

2. A Red Ryder BB gun (Emily got one too but in pink. They'll shoot their eyes out, I know. That's why they're locked in my BIL's safe.)

3. Preschool activity books

4. Both kids each got one of these DVD players (Blake's is blue) and a case to keep them in

5. 2 Leapster games

6. Each of them got Flik Flak watches which are kid's Swatch watches

7. Clothes, clothes, clothes

8. Jammies, jammies, jammies

9. Batman remote control car

10. Tonka helicopter

11. play-doh

12. in his stocking (yes, he has one there too) there was a coloring book, M&M's, and Hot Wheels

13. A big talking Incredible Hulk

14. Transformers bubble bath

15. A Smart Cycle



Emily got:

1. an iPod shuffle

2. Kung-Fu panda dvd

3. Tinker Bell dvd

4. 2 games for her Nintendo DS

5. Clothes, clothes, clothes

6. play-doh

7. her stocking had a coloring book, M&M's and littlest pet shops

8. Dancing castle barbie

9. a leapster game

10. Tinker Bell bubble bath

11. SpongeBob Monopoly

12. About 3 or 4 Crayola color explosion/light up drawing thingys

13. a bunch of craft stuff ie. pompom balls, craft sticks, glue, tape, pipe cleaners, etc.

So, yeah...not that much really...if you're a family of, oh say, TEN!

Hold me closer, Tony Danza

Hello Interneters. I thought after a long holiday weekend filled with extended family, listening to your Uncle Willy give a blow-by-blow account of his colonoscopy during dinner while you try to gag down great-grandma’s jell-o salad, it would be nice for a completely holiday-free blog post.

I’ve come across a website where you can find the correct words/phrases to songs and what others have misheard the lyrics to be. I started going through this huge site, which lists songs by artist, when I figured I would just cut right to one of my favorites, Prince, who had an extensive list. Even though there are many, many that I know, I only bothered to look at the songs I knew very well.

Erotic City—This one REALLY made me laugh out loud. The actual lyric is:
“We could f**k until the dawn, Making love ‘til cherry’s gone”

What someone thought Prince said was:
“We could f**k a chili dog, Making love ‘til chili’s gone.”

I guess you probably could hump a chili dog, but somehow I don’t think Prince wants any part of it.

This one holds a dear spot in my heart because it is the same misheard lyric that my husband once confessed to me. The song is “I Would Die 4U” The actual lyric is the title, “I Would Die 4U”. The misheard lyric this person shares with my hubby is, “Apple—dapple—you.” Very cute, very innocent, sort of “Bippity-boppity-boo-ish”. Definitely not Prince-y.

Here’s another that made me chuckle. Remember “Kiss”? Prince defies his manhood by singing in a very soprano voice for pretty much the entire song. The original lyric is, “I just want your extra time and your…KISS.” Misheard lyric? “I just want some extra time with your….KIDS.” Awww, that’s sweet Prince but I’m pretty sure after 7 minutes with my son you’ll bring him back and run away on your purple motorcycle.

Now onto a song which had SEVERAL entries in the site. In fact, there were 80 entries for people simply getting the title of the song wrong. How do you do that? Don’t you pay attention to what the song is actually CALLED??? Anyway, our little song that could is “Little Red Corvette.” I’ll start us off with telling you that a former roommate of mine thought our man Prince was saying, “Get the rent, collect”. Because I’m a big Prince fan, the thought of someone not actually “getting” the song was a little unsettling. To think that Prince is singing about collecting rent like some 105 lb. landlord in purple velvet instead of the sexual song it was made me a little sad. Turns out there’s a bunch of people out there just like my old roomie that seem to think Prince is singing about the rent. Like the lyric above, they too must not have known what the actual title to the song was. Here are some of my faves:

“Pay your rent, Georgette”
“Pay the rent, Collette”
“Pay the rent, collect”
“Pay the rent, Yvette”
“Leave the rent, call back”

This one expands on the rent issue:

“Pay the rent, Collette
You need to find a job that’s gonna last.”

You know, really Collette. Stop jerkin’ around and grow up already. Get a good job and pay your rent on time for christ’s sake.

Here is a list of other good ones:

“Me and the red corvette”
“Me and the revco man”
“Lyrical Corvette”
“Love in a red corvette”
“Living in a jet”
“Living in Quebec”
“Leave and then come back”
“Keep it wet, Collette”
“I’ll make you so wet”
“Lady in red, come back”

And this one is the most ironic:

“Isn’t it correct”

No, actually it isn’t. At all.

Besides people getting the title “Little Red Corvette” COMPLETELY wrong, they also fuggered up other parts of the song:

Actual lyric:
“Guess I must be dumb
she had a pocket full of horses…”

Misheard Lyric:
“Guess I must be dumb
As a bucket full of horse sh*t…”

Well. You had one part of that right.

Another one…actual lyric:
“Baby you’re much too fast.”

Misheard lyric:
“Phoebe you’re much to fast.”

This one is awesome. Actual lyric:
“Guess I should have known by the way your parked your car sideways that it wouldn’t last”

Misheard lyric:
“Guess I should have known by the way you parked your car sideways at a fotomat”

Based on that, you’re right. You SHOULD have known. GAWD!


The new theme song for “Biggest Loser” should be changed to this misheard ‘P*ssy Control’ lyric:

“Aaaaaaaahhhhh! Portion control! Oh!”


One smarty even effed up the title to ‘Purple Rain’. No. Really. Apparently he doesn’t know the title to the song or the freaking movie! He seems to think Prince is passionately singing the words, “Burn your brains, burn your brains.” Awwww. That’s sweet.

The last song in my Prince non-tribute is “Raspberry Beret”. I’ve saved this one for last because it includes the lyric I used to mis-sing for many years. From the time I was elementary school until who knows when. I’m sorry but it isn’t anything clever or funny. The actual lyric is: “And when it was warm she wouldn’t wear much more.” I used to belt out, “And if it was more, she wouldn’t wear much more.” Makes a lot of sense, right? Right? Shut up.

Here’s a good one for all of us big girls out there. Actual lyric:
“I wouldn’t change a strokecause baby I’m the mostWith a girl as fine as she was then”

Effed up lyric:
“I wouldn't change a stroke 'Cause baby I'm the most With a girl as fine as she was thick”

She must have been F.I.N.E! And T.H.I.C.K.

Because who could think the title of the song could actually be “Raspberry Beret”? It HAS to be, “She wore a brass miracle ring”. Of couse she did. She got it on QVC using easy-pay.

And finally, the way you’re grandma intended the song to be heard:
“She wore a raspberry beret,
The kind you find on a second-hand whore.”